A year ago yesterday my fiancé (now husband YAY!) and I packed everything we possibly could into 5 car loads and trekked it up to his parents house about 10 miles north of us and into their garage. We knew in our hearts, while we didn’t want to believe it, that it would be the last moments we spent in our little apartment on the Bay of Highlands. Our perfect little apartment with the great kitchen, two bedrooms, tons of sunlight and lots of love….our apartment that I loved more than any other home that I had created …our apartment where our relationship took a giant happy leap into love and forever...
I grew up in New England and have always been on the more prepared side for weather; but nothing short of my mother’s death could ever prepare me for the loss we were about to suffer.
Growing up on the other side of the perverbial tracks, I have lived a relatively interesting existence; but have learned how to take the experiences my past has handed me and instead create something beautiful with this life. It's how I have taught myself to survive, how my countless therapists have helped me learn to survive. For what is life if we can’t learn from our past … right??
So what exactly do you take from an experience that basically strips you of your own living space completely? An experience that dumps 6 feet of water into the one place on this earth that makes you feel comfortable and safe. How, exactly, do we come out of that with gratitude and love?
I’m still not positive- I still ache, and hurt for our life in the little beach town of Highlands…
I remember waking up the morning before the storm, feeling uneasy and tense, I made my coffee, puttered around the house and tried to shake off the mass media pounding through my head of the storm to come. I always loved drinking coffee on the beach looking out on the bay- it quieted my mind and gave me a great calm... except for this morning when I walked out and the water was higher than it had ever been, it was farther up on the shore than I had seen it in the 2 years living on this beach.
Holy crap, this is really going to happen.
I ran in and shook Andrew awake, while my phone was a buzz with worried texts from friends- My sweet sister (from another Mrs. & Mr.) telling me that she was done with my wishy washy-ness and her and her husband were on their way to collect what they could from our house and pile it into their cars. Terra Catherine you are an amazing friend- please don't ever forget that, or think that I take it for granted- I think of that moment often and it was you who sprung my brain into action.
After Andrew took his own look at the water and felt the unease of the air he too sprung into action and we began frantically collecting everything of importance, anything of worth, all memories we wanted to hang onto... and thinking we were just preparing for the worst, after all, 1 foot of water wouldn't destroy our lives.. it would just rust a few things.
I can remember the drive up to my (soon to be) in-law's house with our 3 cats, they screamed the whole way and I tried to hold back my tears as I promised them that it would all be ok and we'd be home in a few days... its just a little visit with Nana and Papa, no big deal. I pulled into the driveway and Andrew's mother came running out of the house to help me, that was it... I lost it, the tears came and never stopped. The sweetest little lady in the world scooped me into her arms and wanted only to take away my fear- even if she had the same ones. I will tell you now that I married into the single best family on this planet and I am so grateful for them every single day.
Five carloads later, many many many tears- my fiancé, cats and I were set up downstairs in his old bedroom in the basement. It was all this poor sweet man could do to hold me together, I was literally falling to pieces, I knew it in my heart that I would never spend another night in my adorable little apartment on the bay.
For the next (short lifetime) few hours I was glued to the television, to Facebook, and to any link I had to Highlands. I HAD to know what was going on.. we could hear the wind, the storm... I saw pictures that I couldn't believe...
My house would have been, well, in the water at the point of this picture posted by the Jersey Shore Hurricane News.
Where you see the rather large wave in the distance, that used to be a road, a road that separated the bay from the ocean, a road that was washed out by the surge of Hurricane Sandy.
That evening during the storm, that had now taken out all power in NJ, I finally broke down and began to have a few drinks with Andrew- because really at this point its all about acceptance of the situation. You can't control a force like Mother Nature, you just have to take a deep breath and clean up after her....
We went outside in the heart of the storm and felt the wind blow, it was so crazy and intense- I could actually lean all my weight into it and not fall forward, the wind just held me up... and in that moment I wondered what it was tearing down.
About three days later we got word that we could get into our town- the National Guard had shut down both entrances in and out of Highlands, and you were only allowed in with a photo id that had your address on it. Andrew wouldn't let me go until he was able to assess the damage himself....probably the smartest decision he ever made. NJ had no great cell service at this point, so we were all borrowing phones and sitting in vehicles to charge them up - because obviously there was still no power.
About an hour and a half later I got the call from Andrew, "babe, its bad.... its worse than I thought. Tom is on his way to get you if you're ready"
I wasn't ready. Who's ready for what was left of that storm?? What was left of our home...
Here is where I tell anyone who will listen that we have some of the most amazing friends in the world. Friends who made it so hard for us to leave NJ, friends who made a girl, so far away from her family feel like she had a second family.
Billy, Natasha, Charlie, Dave, Kate, Tom, Kristen & Mike there will never be enough words for Andrew and I to thank you for digging through that disaster and helping us save anything you could.
As Tom and I pulled into town I couldn't believe my eyes, it was horrific. People covered in muck, emptying out their homes, gorgeous old antique furniture being piled onto sidewalks, children's toys, beds, you name it... it was being lugged outside...
It took the breath right out of my lungs.
We pulled down onto my street, things didn't look any better, and by the looks on everyone's faces I knew it was real bad. Before I even saw my home I saw my friends covered in this mud sludge from head to toe, and things that used to be clean (and possibly a little dusty), were mud covered out on the walkway in front of our little home trying to be salvaged.
I will never be able to erase from my mind what I saw when I walked into that apartment ever, nor can I erase the sweet sympathetic looks on everyone's faces as they watched me, once again, fall apart. My home that I had spent two years loving and living in was gone. All of it.
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| Our sectional couch- tossed around the living room with sewn on cushions ripped right off from the force. |
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| Our Kitchen, the refrigerator on its side and the glass from the kitchen table shattered all over the floor |
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| our bedroom, all furniture looked like it had gone through a salad spinner. |
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| Some irony for heartache. |
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| View from our living room into our bedroom- sludge everywhere The Jersey Shore was complete devastation from one end to the other. I by no means, had it worse than many people. Lucky for us we rented, and lucky for you this is my story (see how selfish I am!) Its safe to say I cried for about 2 weeks after this storm. I cried for us, and our home... I cried for the entire NJ Shore, and everyone affected... I cried because I wasn't really sure how else to convey or release my emotions... my sweet fiancé stood strong, and let me cry it all out. About a week and a half after the storm I was able to go back to work at the Animal Hospital- they had no electricity so there was no use in the Front Desk being on site as we couldn't take patients or appointments. I was definitely grateful for the time off, but even more grateful to go back to work. Our clients were devastated, their animals were stressed. The entire area was so shaken up it was all we could do to keep each other smiling and help put pieces back together. About 10 weeks after the storm, Andrew and I moved to Massachusetts with my parents to start over and continue planning our wedding. Oh right, remember we got engaged and had our wedding pretty much planned at this point, don't worry though our venue faired very well and for that we were so grateful. About a month after we moved, the South Shore of Massachusetts saw one of the largest ice/snow blizzards its seen in a few years. Seriously, Mother Nature, what the hell did we do to you?! But I was home, I was home with my family and the one guy who can handle me. Andrew went to work in Boston, I got a new job... and we tried to move on and pretend life was normal. You see here is where we work hard at making the best of it. I mean our cats probably hate us for moving them around so much, and neither of us know where anything is anymore... but life is life and all you can do is survive and float on... Seven weeks ago Andrew and I got married. 11 months after we lost our home and most of our life in Hurricane Sandy, we celebrated the single best day in our lives with everyone we hold so close in our hearts.
We celebrated life, we celebrated happiness, and we celebrated a love that has already lasted through quite a few tragedies.
A note to our guests in the program was from a tattered piece of wood that hung in our home
"the most important things in life, aren't things"
We learned that it's love.
The most important thing in life is love, and to be loved, and to feel love, and give love.
We lost things that we cherished so deeply from the past, christmas decorations, my mother's lamp, a favorite sweater... ALL OF MY KITCHEN APPLIANCES!!!!
But, through it all we had love, our love and the love of our family and friends getting us through, day by day....
Hell, minute by minute most times.
I would like to close this chapter in my life,
a year later...
A year wiser.
Still sad, still missing things that I know are probably in the middle of the atlantic ocean somewhere...
Still missing the life that we lived in that little beach town on the NJ shore, and those amazing friends who, no matter what, were and are always there for us.
That storm may have taken so much from us but in a very strange way gave us a strength that maybe we weren't sure was there.
Find beauty in the tragedy... there's always some reason it happened...
 I wouldn't have made it through with out my amazing husband Andrew holding my hand through it all, drying my tears through it all. |
