I Need Yoga.

Like some people need some Jesus, I need yoga. (actually, I could probably use a little Jesus too at this point)

The past few months of my life have been an absolute whirlwind... like "did Thanksgiving actually happen or did I dream it?" kind of whirlwind.

New job, new schedule, new... life really. I've been absorbing lots of new to me knowledge, and trying like mad to tread water during this holiday season in my very new position- all while trying to be really good right away, with the grace of someone who knows what they're doing.... and these past few weeks, I just feel like I am failing at it.

I am off balance and I can not for the life of me locate my center. Most of this is likely due to the holidays being a difficult time for me (and any other human who has lost a parent/child/loved one), but another piece of this is that I am just struggling to find my footing in this new life that I have purposefully cultivated for myself.

I need some yoga.
Some deep breathing, stretch until you sob into your hip opening pose, yoga.
(oh Terra how my soul misses your Karma Wednesday night classes)

There's very little harder in life, than trying to balance the universe on the top of your head while you are left of center with yourself.

A few weeks back I had the most Monday, Sunday of my life. I walked into work ready to take the day by storm and promptly dumped lots of greasy marinara all over myself and the floor of my walk-in 5 minutes before our doors opened for the day.

My instinct was to berate myself "Awesome, this is where we're starting today, is it? Fanfrickentastic."
Instead of being gentle on myself, cutting slack and taking a breath to understand that sometimes I am just one little chick who can't juggle it all perfectly.

Since then I haven't been able to shake my instability....the insecurity from all the newness in my world. I find myself with a shorter fuse,  with raw thread bare and sensitive feelings. This is not my favorite version of me, but here I am feeling it all deeply and taking it all on.
This is the version of myself that is soon to either run, or shed her skin and grow. And, since I am no longer a single twenty something, running is in my past so looks like its dig in and shed that skin time.

December is not the time to skimp on self care, so its time to pull up my big girl stretchies and if nothing else find myself on the mat in the dim lights of my Christmas tree.

Dear Santa, I'm trying to be good- I promise.