Defined By Pools Of Aqua

Defined by Pools of Aqua

My dear sister-friend is doing a beautiful project- hind sight I should have joined her as she requested, but I don’t love writing on command. I write when inspired, I write to remove hurt, pain or to work through some things rattling around in my head. 

I should always listen to her though, no matter the miles between us, she knows me….she’s always known me and my self tortured soul. 

That being said she is working on this beautiful project where she mentioned my affinity for the color turquoise/aqua. Its been my absolute favorite color for over a decade, it slowly called to me at a time when my life was in complete turmoil and I was learning to stand alone again, on my own two feet- learning to rebuild a life that had fallen apart, piece by piece, and learning again, how to be a great friend to those I loved, but mostly to myself. 

During this time I also went from being a mousy brunette, to a bombshell blonde- aqua and turquoise just seemed to accent this new girl crawling out from the bottom of her self created pit. I was 24 years old, had just left NH and moved back to my hometown, close to my family, my childhood friends, into this gorgeous apartment with my two best girls. It was a fresh start, and thus began the wave of aqua pooling into my life without me paying attention.

It started small, curtains, a duvet… 2 work tops. Then over the course of the next 10-12 years it has wrapped me in its cocoon of protection and healing. I seek it out, if there is a wall of colors, I am immediately drawn to the not quite blue, not quite green color calling to my soul.

At this point, my bedroom is a light soft aqua, with sheer curtains that allow the light from outside to wash a Caribbean ocean blue  on the walls- there are two pieces of furniture in my living room that are teal- and my most prized articles of clothing range from a soft bright aqua hoodie to a deep turquoise sweater with sequins. Even my bridesmaids and my footwear at my wedding were adorned in a pool aqua color, and every time I look at the pictures I smile- the women who support me, and the color that saved me just make my heart smile. We have Hue lights in our apartment, with an app on my phone, I can wash the rooms with any color of the rainbow… I’m sure you can guess that when I need to calm my brain I wash the rooms with a soft yet bright aqua to teal color. 

How did I not see this happening? I understand my obsessive nature, and my need for matchy match color palates but never fathomed it was so much more.

So, until Terra spoke about her friends being defined by a color, I hadn’t ever thought of the color actually defining me, that there was a psychological need and draw - to me , this was just my favorite color. 

So I dug, I did some online research to see why this color calls to me, why it has softly snuggled me and dried my tears helping me to find a clear path. Below is the first thing I read, and it kind of blew my mind…

“In color psychology, turquoise controls and heals the emotions creating emotional balance and stability. In the process it can appear to be an emotional rollercoaster, up and down, until it balances itself”

“This is a color that recharges our spirits during times of mental stress and tiredness, alleviating feelings of loneliness.” 

I also read that when I need balance, I should bring in Magenta- funny… this color is Terra’s color. 

Kismet.

I still torture my soul, I still overthink and require soothing healing colors to surround me. I still lay under my soft fuzzy teal blanket when I need to feel safe and creative. 

I am drawn to the blue ocean, to the colors that roll in and out of shore. I’m drawn to the repetition of the sounds of water- they bring my full of anxiety mind to peace. These are the sounds of my meditation. I don’t chant, I have an extremely difficult time staying quiet…. so I focus on the sea, on the color and sounds…. on the peaceful way that it organizes our world holding everything into place with its tides. 

When I am in full chaos, I sit on the beach close my eyes and let life melt away. 

I am a soft pool of not quite green, not quite blue force of nature.