I have been watching my best friend die for the better part of the last year and a half. Watching her grow painfully thin, noticing her sleeping more, playing less and age greatly in front of my eyes.
My four legged sidekick of the past 18 years has hyperthyroidism, the medication that we give her for it, has given her renal disease and is destroying her kidneys.
I’m fighting a wildfire with lighter fluid and most days I don’t know what I’m even doing.
Delilah Jones came into my life at a peculiar time. I was in my twenties, living in NH with two cats and not looking for a 3rd.
This runt of the litter found me, burrowed into my heart, connected her life force to my soul, and we never looked back.
She was born in NH, lived in several towns in Mass, two towns (3 homes) in NJ, rode in a tiny little VW Golf all the way from Boston to San Francisco and continued her 9 lives in the city of Neverland for 5 years, to San Jose, then after an excruciating 9 hours in the VW Tiguan she lived a short stint in La Jolla to finally what we assume her final resting place is in our little home by the ocean in San Diego.
My little soul mate has not only traveled everywhere with me, but has lived through the absolute most difficult times of my life.
She also has been there for the most joyfully abundant and full of love times that I have experienced.
Somewhere along our path she met Andrew, and for some reason she connected to him quickly. I’m not sure if she sensed my own feelings or just knew how special he is- but every time he would walk down into my room she would greet him, on my ugly pink office chair from ikea, perched up on her hind legs meowing for his attention (I feel that girlfriend) waiting for him to scratch her forehead and give her love.
This continued on until they became roommates and he was the 3rd wheel in our cozy bed.
Later it evolved into her taking his meetings sitting on his shoulders licking his head as his coworkers tried to keep a straight face.
My girl always has always been the little attention lover.
We watch her sleep a lot these days.
A lot.
And while I watch her, I spend my quiet moments remembering her quirks, her loud raspy meows that we don’t hear much anymore….. how she loved to be snuggled but you got the 4 paw stiff arm if you picked her up.
Her terms only…. I feel that too, love.
The strong will to set boundaries, but also be open hearted.
Man that just defines my girl.
In 2013 I married my best friend, but my soul mate has 4 paws, brown fur, white paws, and the most gorgeous green eyes I have ever wandered into.
I’m not sure if these ramblings are a tribute, grief…
if it’s the words to the tears that fall down my face daily these days….
If you know me, if you know her then you get it. You know.
She’s such a beautiful soul that she’s turned cat haters into people who have loved her, dearly.
Delilah Jones, her name from a Dead tune that’s always spoken to me…. Being a brown eyed woman, and all.
She has lived a legendary life.
Queen bee of her home, )wherever it was, whoever home was….)
Master of sand paper kisses
Bard of raspy meows
Taster of all snacks
Chewer of stray fingers
Holder of hands, owner of my heart.
I am just not ready for you to go, but I can’t bear to make you stay….
They say grief is just love with no where to go, and I’m just not prepared to grieve forever
